I could not write for a while, eventhough I have much to write yet nothing at the same time. Here we go again to continue about the nothing and the everything all at once.

At the moment, Lebanon has an oath to hurt me and probably every other Lebanese living abroad, so I am not able to tell much about it… just like after a break up, you avoid talking about it and just act as if nothing happened. A bit of denial is good enough to make you survive at least the beginning.

When you move outside a familiar place, you get in a place where you expect so much and yet nothing at all. Well at least, that was my condition. I somehow managed to expect a normal transition, yet I knew I was going to a new place with new faces and a fresh start.

Lebanon, and no matter how loving it was, it knew also how to leave some unhealed scars. We have something I prefer to call, collective misery. I mentioned in previous posts how you can not plan your day, well same applies to life. You can’t have a plan because sadly this exciting change also comes to affect your entire path.

Because of that instability, the calmness once much needed mental necessity, became a total stranger.

And with the word stranger, I bring you to the feeling I have in this New city. A stranger. I don’t feel stranger to them..Only… I feel stranger. Is stranger a feeling? Well I discovered here that it is. It is a feeling like no other. You can group emotions into categories more or less similar, happiness and love, sadness and misery , anger and anxiety. But the feeling of being a stranger, is a classification of its own. You feel the nothing and the everything in one zone which I would like to call, zero zone.

This place feels like a life after death, and a long waiting time before birth. That 0 zone, launge,waiting list, where you are stuck in time and place and these 2 dimensions no longer work. You are moving to completely new dimension where you don’t quiet feel yet, but somehow feel something and trying to figure out what it is. This place where your soul waits before heaven and hell.

I am not sure how to describe this, but I know it comes with some very strange numbness and intensity all at same time. Complete confusion of the soul and heart, where both don’t know what to expect and somehow still expect.

Back home we say ” hope God never confuses anyone”, as if confusion is the most hurtful curse of all time. As if we realize that certainty is a blessing and uncertainty in one’s own mind and decision and mental state is the worst hell of all. Careful though, it is not the external uncertainty we talk about, it is the one that comes within you, it seems our old ancestors have given us lots of wisdom when it comes to knowing what is most important, and what is the compass for happiness, it is ur own certainty.

At this point, I am for sure certain about my uncertainty. Prague is known to be a magical place built with the mystic beliefs of king charles the 4th, who himself believed in numerology alchemy astronomy and sacred geometry. Maybe that is the reason why Prague puts you in a mental bermuda triangle, where all thoughts and feelings are lost and somehow yet absorbed. The place where your soul undergoes enormous transformation and yet somehow sits still in void.

Sometimes I wish, I can understand what this city wants, what this city does, and where will it take me?

The thing about Lebanon’s uncertainty, is that it is intense enough to wake up all of your senses. You are more alert. Of course, because you need to survive. And this alertness, gives you a sense of direction even in middle of lost times. At least you are able to feel something, so intense, intense happiness and intense sadness. But with Prague?

This city puts you in the middle of “I am here but where am I”?

This text has lots of pages to be written as I get my brain and heart aligned to at least, be able to write about it..

Leaving you with few pictures I take during my daily activities, of a Lost yet Found Prague vibe…

To be continued…

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