I know my blog is more patriotic by title,but today I decided to skip to a topic that touches the heart too but in different ways.
Talking about Prague and its magic, I do believe that this place with all its gothic beauty, it has sworn to bring out all possible sparks a place can bring to my heart.
Eventhough the dearest people to heart remain the ones we grew up with, but I would like to point out to everyone reading, allow yourself to love the new people in your life even if they are different.
The love we carry for childhood friends and family is different because they remind us of parts of us which we don’t want to lose, the part of ourself which was once innocent and carefree, and if not carefree, its burdens were limited to games and new toys we would like to have. That part of us which had naive yet so honest dreams. We hold on to those people as if they are our identity, and once you feel disconnected you feel lost and in denial of accepting any new face.
That’s ok! It’s ok because somehow yes they are part of your older identity the one you were most familiar with growing up.
I was feeling homesick to my best friends in Lebanon. Homesick to everything but the most part that hurt and felt real was to my best friends.
My home in Lebanon was empty as my father was living outside the country for long. Why he has been living outside it’s another topic we would get into later on, but for now its enough to know that this is completely normal in every Lebanese household. Our fathers leave to provide us a “better life”. This topic in very controversial however , yes that’s how it is.
So as I was mentioning, my home was empty, and I never felt this to be weird because all I was thinking of is with all it’s emptiness but it would be full once my friends are there… and with that I was blocking out any new person I meet with the fear that I would forget my friends. Or even actually enjoy my time with new people instead of my lovely ties back home.
I never shared these feelings with anyone, but everytime I was going out, I felt this inner voice guilting me for having good time away from my best friends who were struggling in day to day life back home. I would call them nonstop to know how their day went, how driving was, we open video calls for hours, from the car to the kitchen to the office to the way back home to the time they gather to sit around. I felt torn between 2 places. A place where I am present physically, and another where I was present emotionally. And this struggle kept on for 3 years continuously..
Most of you family birds, would realize how difficult it is to have this struggle between managing a day to day life in a new place and still trying to be involved in the life of everyone back in your home.
But I have to admit, after this time, I will confess that I met some of the most extraordinary people in this magical city.
People from different cultures and nationalities. Jordanians, Georgians, Turkish,Romanians, Azeri and the list goes on. I am mentioning these in particular because somehow eventhough some speak different languages however they are so much similar to what I knew back home. These people made this city a little bit less strange and cold and a bit more warm and familiar
They gave it a new perspective and spark. I learned how giving room to new people can give a new kind of love and acceptance.
It is so nice to meet people who are so different and somehow so similar. People who have no sense of the child in you but somehow manage to connect to that child and bring you back home. I then started learning how love can take different forms, and how guilt transforms into pleasure.
I realized the love I carry for my friends back in Lebanon was a strong connection that can never be replaced and yet how much care one can still take and provide for new people who connect to you not on basis on where u are from, or the language you speak, or your environment, but on basis of who you really are and the current version they see in you, eventhough this version is the least perfect version of you. The homesick Version, the tired version, the sad and negative one. They carry this part and take you with it without any question.
Of all these people I knew here , one stood out in particular. One who was home itself, the home I never even had back home. A person with so much capacity to love that I even started loving the parts of myself which I never knew how to love. So Prague, with all the pains you got to me, and the things that you weren’t able to provide like Lebanon did, but you have overachieved with this one thing, the people, and that particular “home” person.
I realize now that, no matter how old we get, there is always room for people who remind us of our inner child without even being part of our childhood. People who could connect to that part of ourselves we are trying so much to protect.
With that being said, only thing I could say to everyone who reads this, I hope you allow youself the privilege of letting new people into your life , eventhough it might hurt in the beginning, but those who come out of the blue in the middle of a strange city, these are unknown possibilities of “more home than home itself” 💜
Leaving you with a painting I got for my birthday from my Georgian friend, who was able to feel my inner child and adult all at once, and decided that the best gift for me would be, a spiritual journey “Back Home”.