A little bit of sadness is how i feel, with a little bit of anger, a bit more on the disappointment, and a bit of “take me back home”.
The struggle of trying to find myself the right place, the struggle of realizing, that what used to be, is no longer being, it has only been, and shall remain to have been there once.
I miss the feeling of familiarity. The roads I used to know by heart, the faces I used to see , the sounds that I used to hear, the places I went, the sky I knew, the trees that surrounded, and the land that knew me. I miss the familiarity, of my daily simple life, and the consistency of my morning rituals.
I miss the person who knew these things and knew nothing else. The person familiar to me, and the eyes that looked in the mirror and knew what they saw.
Familiarity is such a strong concept, and a word we use in such positive connotation.
How the word familiar, brings a sense of security, of safety, and warmth. How we use “You look familiar” to compliment and bring closer to heart, people we have just seen, and how “knowledge” to us is an important pillar in our human interactions, and human survival.
The eyes I see in the mirror, I’ve seen them before, but they aren’t the same. These new roads resemble the roads I knew, but they do not lead to the same places, those sounds I hear do not resonate , the trees are trees, but they smell different, the land in here, it does not know me, and I keep glaring at the sky, somewhere in there, I will keep seeing, what I used to see, and it will take me back to what I know.
Somewhere between those stars that never changed, I keep finding familiarity, and somehow the irony of how something so free and detached, can keep on staying the same for so long.
Have you detached recently? Or are you like the land, stays in place and becomes strangely unfamiliar.
And somehow this unfamiliar causes a survival crisis, we knew our fields , we knew our area, we knew how to survive, once we lose that knowledge, we lose our survival.
Leaving with a picture of a familiar blue…