I’ve been struggling to find my place in this world!

I grew up to a family of Engineers. Seeing how my father was passionate about his work made me know that I should love what I do. My dad is an HVAC Mechanical Engineer, I used to go with him to work when I was 4 years old. I remember very well how free I could be in the office and how everyone was smiling and taking care of me. Of all the engineering stories I used to hear, one of the best made me realize how a person can find purpose in everything. One of his very old clients, had trouble sleeping as he was sensitive to the AC vibrations. Everyone thought he has insomnia. My dad helped isolate the bedroom, and hence the men was able to sleep again.

Lesson here: everyone’s job matters everywhere.

Second lesson: that is why my dad has always been my role model, he saw all the details, and even with such a technical job, he always kept the human perspective of it and still does

I wasnt good at Math, or Physics, and was not interested in anything but Arabic, English, History and Philosophy. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an Archeologist. I always felt I wanted to go back in time and see what was happening. I used to love cartoons, but my favorite part was the History Channel documentaries. I had public schooling, got all I needed to learn, but didn’t have much options to explore my talents and hobbies.

I had no clear understanding of what Im good at. My mom always said, you will be a leader. I did not know what field I should major in, so I went for Business Management, the most broad field in time of uncertainty. My Academic Advisor told me : Natalia I see you in HR. Knowing that my HR course grades were the lowest amongst all my other grades. I went for the Internship in HR, and that’s where I found myself. Year after year, job after job, I figured how much I love and care for what I do. And yes, I could find the purpose , I was taking part in someone’s career change, in someone’s decisions to go for something, or not, I got to make sure people were smiling at work, even if it’s just because they see me, I got to argue with the unfair people who always provoked me before , those bad characters you see in movies (and real life).I got to help few people, many times I couldn’t, because I was just a line employee. I got to see many things, front of the house, back of the house.

Lesson: The more I saw, the more I knew I had to be there , and I had a big responsibility.

The problem now is that I see HR people, who shouldnt be there. HR, Human resources, is just a fancy corporate word for the job of “Taking care of Employees”. Because this is not always clarified and defined, people view HR as so many things, and in case they see this message , it is the last one seen. I do not want to be an Advisor. I want to be called People Supporter, or any other term that defines what we should be doing.

Im 29, and I started questioning what Im doing. I struggle with getting my rights inside the work place, I do not negotiate for what I deserve, I negotiate for what I think is easiest for the company. It has cost me a lot of delay in my career path. And lots of my well being. I used to work non stop, but suddenly I realized the term ” Enough”.

I am an HR person, and I struggle with the job search and hunt, I do not want to waste my time or the recruiters’ time, so I have it all in my resume. However my care and value system, is with me, I cannot just write it on a piece of document. I do it everyday, I live it , I practice it. And I can’t begin to think of what non HR people go through during their job hunt and hiring when they don’t know what is happening in the back end.I was running after big names, big companies , part of which was not possible back in Lebanon easily, and much which is not even available there. But after only 7 years, I have learnt that good jobs are about balance and relativity.

Toxic can be a bad manager with good coworkers, it could be bad coworkers with a good manager. Could be a good manager with poor pay, could be a good pay with a poor job. The combinations are endless. However, I still cannot come to a clear understanding that the given postulates, are so clear, yet somehow nobody managed to get to them.

How difficult it is to be fair? How difficult is it to hire nice people, or people who simply care, how difficult is it to hire a person in the right place instead of just placing them because we cannot find someone else. How difficult is it to give feasible goals and workloads for employees, and how hard is it to remember that for the time being, we are still working with humans and not robots. Again the situations vary, but so far, these combinations of balance, I haven’t encountered them.

More to be said, to be shared, and highlighted on this topic, I will need to get my thoughts clear , but for now, I felt I needed to share this…

An irrelevant recent photo, because I simply love the sky.

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