Its like the past 15 times where I try to write and fail. Its not the words that are failing me, its the constant trials to get in touch with myself that are failing. Im home. But it doesn’t feel like home. And probably home is a continuous feeling we are all looking for. Im…
Author: ThePurpleArze
A Lebanese Slovak wanting to write.
Healing from depression| HR| adaptation| identity search | Psychology| Self Awareness
Depression & Healing – Alternating Phases.
Here I am out of hundreds of times, not being able to write fluently. It seems to me that my most beloved breathing space is vanishing and closing away my last door of light. I’ll tell myself it’s okay, eventhough it is really not. For the past 2 years now, writing has been the only…
Unexpected Reprecussions of Healing: the development of new fears
Im sure you have read or heard somewhere that healing from depression doesnt go like healing from a broken arm. It doesnt get better with time, it doesn’t mend and doesn’t recover. It does not take a straight path. It gets better with the intention of healing, with the right tools, the right Resources, the…
The Physical Colors of Depression.Unorganized Cycles.
My day started, kind of normally. There was a hiking event and I was super excited to go and walk. The excitement went on, until 30 minutes before going outside the house. I suddenly felt heaviness in my knees, and a tight grip in my chest that prevented me to breath smoothly. This is not…
Healing processes: Realizing the nonexisting progress..
I’ve been in Lebanon for a while, and my presence here triggered another series of self reflections. What I first realized is how much change I’ve experienced. I see some differences between me and others, that’s deffinitely normal, but the biggest difference I see is between me and myself. Being here for a while has…
It Matters.
It’s been a while again I know. Im still trying to pick up my pieces and this means sometimes not wanting to confront thoughts or feelings. Today Im writing, on the small things again. I previously mentioned this topic in one of my posts. But I decided, I want to write again and again… why?…
Depression Rollercoaster.
Still trying to figure out what my feelings are trying to say. I’ve been detached from reality for 3 weeks now. It is rather interesting how the brain can control all these emotions. Being on SSRIs has helped for sure in the past 6 months to gain back a little more control over my emotions…
Jihad:”To exert effort and strive to reach an aim”
Most people are aware of the term Jihad in an Islamic context (by far, only “negative” context actually, as portrayed by the media) keeping in mind we are not a muslim family. The word simply meaning willpower or striving. Jihad, does not only have one way. It has much more to it. Eventhough the word…
It’s all in the little things.
I came over the weekend to visit my family in Slovakia.or as it is called, Slovensko. I prefer to call things the way they are whenever possible rather than adapt things that should maintain their authenticity. I would add to that Im really happy we started calling Turkey Turkiye, as the locals call their homeland,…
Levant Earthquake. Between gratitude and guilt..
It was 2:20 a.m in prague, scrolling through facebook I see : “urgent news, earthquake hits Lebanon, Syria and Turkey”. I immediately call my 18 year old cousin, ” me and dad are up, Im not sure if I should wake the others up or not, we’ll wait and see”. I was 4 or 5…
The Coin Identity in partnerships and friendships-part 1.
My friend had a half middle eastern half czech wife. I wont specify the nationality as our community is small and people of this mix are somehow limited and known. What he once mentioned to me was : ” I had to get to know when she is an arab and when is she thinking…
Tired from being Lebanese!
Its 2 30 am in Prague, 3:30 a.m in Beirut. I pickup the phone send a text to my cousin : ” is everyone ok?” everywhere on the news, URGENT : an earthquake hit Lebanon, Syria and Turkey. I remember the last strong earthquake was in the 90s, I was maybe 4 or 5, and…
I’ll Love you. Always.
I sat on my couch, 3 a.m. having random chats with my flatmates with arabic music in the background, the light sounds of oriental violin and darbouka, the smell of double apple smoke, a residue of the Oud incense still in the air and the street lights outside, a nostalgia of him came back. I…
The Purple Bohemian Dilemma.
It’s been a while since I wrote. As usual, my thoughts go through drought periods. Or maybe sometimes I just enjoy the solitude of my own mind and I avoid having any visitors there. This Christmas, as quarantine was no longer an obstacle, I decided to go to Slovakia and celebrate it the real village…